Despite my outward appearance, I am a massive introvert. I do enjoy socialising sometimes, but I have to refill my battery often and that requires some peace and quiet. Something that is at times really hard to come by in my life. Like everyone, I have to work to earn a living, and then I have a family to look after. So I have to try to grab bits of it as a when I can. There is nothing I enjoy more than reading a good book once everyone has gone to sleep, or getting up really early in the morning and sitting outside with a coffee.
At the minute, I have a strange prickling in my brain. An annoying sensation that starts as soon as I try to grab a moment’s peace. It is as if my mind cannot bear to be alone with its thoughts and as such has to distract itself as it looks to avoid it. This is the point where grabbing peace and maintaining it becomes the most important to me.
To feel my best, I have to force my brain to relax, to be alone with itself even more so than normal. I have written before about my tendency to always want to be on the move, and my failure to give myself enough of a break. Despite knowing this, and seeking a resolution for years, there is no peace in my brain. There are short periods of relief, where I put in some work towards helping myself, but these practices never become habit. There is too much life to cram into my time.
I don’t see a point where I schedule in time to stare at a wall, or detox myself from dopamine. I feel as if I can never attain true internal peace, despite how much I crave it. By accepting this, I would like to tell you that I have some resolution in my life, but alas I do not. No rest for the wicked, nor me.