It’s been a while since I updated my blog because I’ve been pretty busy with life, and my posts often come in waves of inspiration. The thoughts that I have that turn into blog posts are ones that I don’t go looking for, they are ones that strike me, cause me to think about them, perhaps write a note, that later turns into a post. They come at unpredictable times, but they are regularly dulled by my emotions.
When I have something to worry about, or something major going on, I find it very hard to think about other things with the depth needed. Ideas still come, but I am unable to work them through to completion when in my distracted state – which is currently worrying about my family.
Both myself and my wife have been working through the social care required for our daughter, and it has brought up many emotions. It’s exciting for Lucie to have her very own personal assistant who started working with her this week, but also extremely disorientating. Our lives for so long have revolved around our roles and responsibilities regarding Lucie’s care needs, frequently at the detriment to our lives. However, we both know what we signed up for, we both view it as just being a parent, and are having a bit of a hard time stepping back.
The reality is I feel very conflicted about the whole thing and some of the emotions I feel out of place. Almost as if I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I do, but the realisation that all of my feelings are valid is important. The worst thing to do is hide them away and think that they are somehow wrong. There’s a tendency to bury them away instead of processing them and getting to a state of acceptance.