There is a new word I learnt a few weeks ago – compersion. It’s vicarious joy, associated with sexual pleasure (Louis Theroux taught me it before you ask). It’s used mainly in talk around swinging and polyamorous relationships. However, that’s not what I want to discuss (thank god) but it does relate to what I think my calling in life is.

I struggle to see the point in life. For many years of it I have been in pain and for a long time have questioned what the end goal is. I’m a creature of habit and strive for structure and routine, but often feel like I’m living in a never-ending cycle looking for the exit route. Endlessly searching for the point in all this, and maybe because I’m getting on a bit I’ve started to look harder.

This has been the topic of my journaling and my notes. I’ve been reading and watching so much about the topic that Google must think I’m having a breakdown. Perhaps I am, but I think I’ve cracked it. I think the whole reason I am here is the vicarious enjoyment I get from improving other people lives.

I’ve become a little obsessed in leaving a legacy. I won’t be able to leave trust funds or investments, I just want to leave behind memories of a great guy. When I’m gone, I want people to think “he was a great guy that Greg”. That’s it.

I enjoy other people trusting me enough to come to me for advice. I love going out of my way to help people with chores or issues or anything really. I get my kicks from seeing other people smile. If there is an all powerful creator they 100% put me here to help other people. Sure, I get enjoyment from technology and other stuff, but improving other people’s lives is my drug!

I think I’m doing a pretty good job, but there’s always more to do. Perhaps now I know myself a bit more, I can go even further.