Back As Far As I Can

Last year I wrote about my desire to move completely away from smartphones in general and detach myself from the internet as much as I could. With this comes the juxtaposition and the realisation with the fact that I work online, and simply need access to things a smartphone can do most of the time.

Despite flirting with every size iPhone 12 I have stuck with the 12 mini and this has enabled me to go back as far as I can. With a few tweaks such as moving my phone out of my room, I have enabled myself to deal with the internet at prescribed times, and in ways I want to.

This is no fault of the internet. These issues are in me, but also affect those around me. These issues are completely self-made. It’s not the apps I have installed. It’s not the designers fault. It’s not anyone else’s fault. It’s mine. Because I feel bad, I think that it’s outside things making me feel this way and I look for a fix. A quick one preferably, to stop this constant pressure I feel. Instead of working on myself and understanding the triggers.

A smaller phone has helped me not reach for it as much. As has moving it out of my sleeping space. They are not the cause of my issues, but a way of me fixing them and understanding my triggers. I have gone back as far as I can, and I am much happier than I ever have been, not because of a smartphone, just because I am the person I want to be.

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